Hobgoblins & Eskimos - Written For Humans, By Humans


OK, I admit it, I don't look like John Cusack.

Had you fooled though.

Name: David "oh what an unique name I have" Smith

Title: Reverend of The Universal Life Church of California (I was bored & it was free).

Age: Old enough to get a drink in Britain, but not in several states of America.

Eye colour: Variable (normally blue-ish).

Hair colour: Varies from white to a kind of translucent reddish brown.

Qualifications: None to speak of, but I'm working on it. Oh, I've got a few A-levels if they count.

Favourite Film: Clerks (View Askew)

Favourite Director: Kevin Smith

Favourite Song: You'll Know You Were Loved (Lou Reed)

Movie Character I Most Identify With: Ricky Fitts (American Beauty)

Motto: "That'll do."

Goal In Life: To reach the end.

Other Ambitions: To enjoy myself on the way.

Likes: Alyson Hannigan, sarcasm, mind games (not as in puzzles - that would just be boring, but screwing around with other people's perceptions, opinions and paranoia), music, Spaced, deadpan expressions, mocking, finding people's weaknesses, novelty, Friday nights, moral arguments, Saturday nights, wit, whisky & women (especially those with Irish accents, or who come from the deep south of America). Oh yes, and films.

Dislikes: Overuse of exclamation marks, impressionists, the words "zany" & "wacky", religion, IKEA, life in general from Monday 8.00 - Friday 5.30, Ed Begley Jr., people who can dance, most films from the eighties, Craig David, people who can't dance, the film Grease, motivation, intolerance, people who wouldn't understand irony if it was jumping up and down on their chest and smashing an iron into their face shouting "this is ironic you mindless fool", dancing, people who are genuinely chirpy in the mornings (AKA "bastards"), hangovers, mounted police, wasting money on a film like Mission: Impossible 2, remembering what you did the night before, positive thinkers, most modern pop music, alarm clocks, any film that claims to involve "hilarious consequences", novelty mobile phone ringtones, Hugh Grant, boybands, team sports, lucky people, static electricity, those teenage girls who scream at Westlife, Tom Cruise, scorpions, elitists, closing time, Stuart Little (oh, to be locked in a room with him for five minutes whilst wearing hobnailed boots), optimists, moss, discos, most molluscs (especially the ones that go crunch when you don't look where you're treading), ridiculously small dogs, bright colours, the Spanish Inquisition, Minnie Driver, curry, Disney, the new VW Beetle, excitement, people who smell of cheese and onion crisps, vomit, musicals, Sunday nights, cats that look like they've been shaved, any remake of a good film, Daphne & Celeste, speed cameras, computers, skimmed milk, waking up, insanity, Gary Bushell, dolphins (just what are they grinning about?), any unfair restriction on personal freedoms, traffic, plants, most radio stations, Kidderminster, the heat, stretched limousines that have less than eight people inside, award ceremonies, gravity, the tabloids, prejudice, vegetarian lasagne, most sitcoms and Luxembourg.

Hobbies: Being negative.


Hobgoblins & Eskimos


"How To Bluff Your Way In..."


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