Music News

All the latest musical gossip invented by the Hobgoblins and Eskimos team.

Belle and Sebastian "Are Evil"

Quaint Scottish songwriters Belle and Sebastian, purveyors of whimsical folk tunes, have had their last album banned in America amid claims that they are "evil". The cover sleeve of The Boy With The Arab Strap features a man with a stake through his heart. A spokeswoman for Children's Rights and Powers (C.R.A.P) claimed that such a "subversive and powerful" image could "lead to corruption throughout the younger generations". However, when asked if she had heard any of the album, the spokeswoman declined to comment, saying "It's all the same. I blame Marilyn Manson for starting this whole thing."


Vic Reeves to Record Duet With Tindersticks

Fed up of comparisons with Vic Reeves' club singer, 'Sticks vocalist Stuart Staples has reportedly asked the comedian to join the band. Reeves is to sing on a duet for Tindersticks' new album. We have an exclusive preview of the much talked about song's lyrics:

Stuart: Nyeergh rowoow aroowugh

Vic: Uruurugh nyurgh hoorugh haaroogh

Love Song is due for release in the autumn

For those about to mock...

In response to Mogwai's hate campaign against Blur, and the continuing war of words between Nicky Wire of the Manics and the Stereophonics, Kula Shaker's Crispian "Crispy" Mills has launched his own attack of loathing. Against himself. This shameless attempt at self-publicity is intended to point out the singer's faults before anyone else does. Critics say the scheme has come three years too late. Crispian, meanwhile, remains defiant, claiming that his stupidity and ignorance are "second to none". Both Damon Albarn and Nicky Wire have declined to comment.

John Peel in Record-No-One's-Heard-Of Shock!

DJ John Peel has come under fire from Radio One management this week for playing a record the Head of Radio One Music Policy had never heard before. He said: "With his years of experience, Peel should know by now that radio listeners have the attention spans of retarded goldfish and should be treated as such".

The Head of Music Policy used this argument to justify playing Daft Punk's One More Time at least once every half-hour weeks after its release. The record in question, Bleep Bloop Pip by the Ambient Noodlists is currently on the 'No Plays' section of the stations' playlist.


Nine individuals, preferably clinically insane to form Slipknot tribute group, Clove Hitch. Must be prepared to wear large heavy boiler suit with ridiculous mask, and swear profusely.

Interviews will involve:

1) Ability to be menacing (must scare small child at distance of 50ft)

2) Profanities test (including range and ingenuity of language used)

3) Personal history (anything plagiarised from Hitchcock/Marilyn Manson will be discounted)

4) Musical ability (a range of growls, shrieks and grunts are expected of all candidates)

Apply soon due to high level of interest (CVs already received include Stuart Murdoch and Brian Molko)


At The Drive-In: Not Going Underground

At The Drive-In singer Cedric Bixler has explained his band's reluctance to play gigs in London by revealing that a dislike of the London Underground is at the root of the problem. In a statement released via the record label, the frontman clarified the band's position, stating: "At The Drive-In are concerned about the possibility of band members' hair becoming trapped in the doors of underground trains, a problem which is exacerbated at peak travel times. A situation of this nature would cause much indignity, and we have taken a united decision that the risks to our hair are far too great for us to contemplate using this method of travel."


Dido to Launch Range of Coffee Tables

One-time Eminen collaborator Dido has announced she is planning to launch her own brand of self-assembly coffee tables. The singer has promised that the first fifty people to purchase one of the tables will receive a free copy of her album "No Angel". According to Dido, her move into catalogue furniture "seemed appropriate", as her music "tends to be associated with coffee tables, for some reason".

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