|BAN THIS SICK FILM!|
Toy Story - This movie is obviously corrupting the minds of our children. By showing the concept of living toys, the makers of this film are clearly creating the impression that these dolls are possessed by demonic forces. It's really nothing more than a rehash of the Chuckie films. And do you see those horror films with a U rating? No sir, you do not. Also, by telling children that the toys only become active when humans are out of the room, Pixar could very easily be creating intense paranoia in our impressionable protegees! I say to you all - BAN THIS SICK FILM!
Clerks - With films like this on general release, society as we know it is doomed! The protagonists of this tale eventually come to the conclusion that their jobs are unimportant in the "big picture". They believe that customers can be treated with contempt, as they are worth no more or less than themselves. How can the censors have missed something as blatently corrupting as this? If everyone were to adopt this attitude, the world would come crashing down around us! People should accept their station in life and be happy with it. Treat your betters with respect, and don't expect anything in return. If we were all to live properly in this way, we could all live in peace and happiness. So for this reason, I ask you to support me and BAN THIS SICK FILM!
The Blues Brothers - Everyday, I'm surprised that any work gets done at all. This film, rightly ignored at the box office, has since built up a huge following due to it's release on video (another reason to ban VCRs). In a shocking display of political discontent, Jake & Elwood Blues shun the widely accepted career path for persons of their background (menial tasks and heavy physical labour for less-than-minimum-wage) and instead turn to a life of crime. If these characters were depicted as the villains of the film, then all would be well, but for some reason, the depraved director John Landis has turned them into heroes! Not only that, but the law-enforcement officers are depicted as bumbling fools, with no skill or ability to do their jobs! After a showing of this film, I'd be surprised if chaos didn't erupt in the streets due to these messages. The only way to protect our way of life is to BAN THIS SICK FILM!
Dogma - Is nothing sacred anymore? This film (made by the creators of Clerks) mercilessly undermines the foundations of the Roman Catholic Church, whilst attempting to pass itself off as a comedy. The Catholic Church has been around for almost 2,000 years & is the only christian faction that has a direct link to one of Jesus' original disciples. It is one of the most structured of religions and its worldwide reach extends with every passing day. One would think that this would make the church immune to jibes and criticism, but Mr. Kevin Smith would beg to differ. Papal infallibility, God's omnipotence and Mary's virginity are all called into question, as are the personalities of the angels themselves. Things we take as blind faith are put on trial and examined. Offensive and dangerous, the only solution to this plague of irresponsibility is to BAN THIS SICK FILM!
The Exorcist - This film is obviously evil. I'm not talking about the swearing, the violence or the obscenities that are shown on screen, as these are unfortunately present in the majority of today's movies. I'm not even talking about the fact that a demon is depicted possessing a young child. Instead, the most disgraceful aspect of this film is its depiction of the Roman Catholic Church as the heroes. This institution has been responsible for many of history's greatest atrocities: the Spanish Inquisition, the burning of heretics and suspected witches. Torture, war and destruction in the name of God is all forgotten for the purposes of this film. The consent of the slave trade, the refusal to get involved with the Holocaust, the murders comitted by some of its members for the cause of "pro-life" are put on the back burner whilst we are shown the Roman Catholic Church heroically risking their own lives for the sake of one child. I'm sorry, but we can't forget that. So, for the sake of ethics and morals, BAN THIS SICK FILM!